Why is empathy so important during Covid-19?

It goes without saying, these past few weeks have added up to feel like several months. The hours have been long, the days are repetitive, and the emotions are taking us on a roller coaster! Every line graph we see projects a new death/infection rate and we are told to get prepared for an oncoming recession (though somehow the market is up?!). The jobless claims are on the rise week over week, our small businesses are desperate for cash infusions, and toilet paper has never been more sought after. How are we to deal with these times especially if our future reality is forever changed?

One of the biggest changes I’ve noticed over the past few week in my work conversations has been the pulse check on how everyone is processing the Coronavirus pandemic. Even over email, we’re starting our messages with “I hope you are healthy” or “I understand this time is difficult for all of us.” It’s been evident that the vast majority of us are leading with empathy and for that, I’m grateful, and hope this emotion sticks. Boy would that be a positive way to live in the future, constantly checking in with our colleagues and community. Ensuring safety and health for all.

I haven’t insulated myself enough, however, to shield myself from the online videos showing UFC battles in our local supermarkets over toilet paper. I even saw a situation in Georgia where a man was stabbed in the neck with a shattered wine bottle in a Sam’s Club! Sadly, it sure appears that our empathy doesn’t apply when it comes to purchasing paper products.

It’s the same thing every day, clean up your room, stand up straight, pick up your feet, take it like a man, be nice to your sister, don’t mix beer and wine ever, oh yeah, don’t drive on the railroad tracks.

Phil Connors, Groundhog Day

My standard response when asked how I’m doing is, “it feels like Groundhog Day.” I’m Phil Connors, living in Punxsutawney, PA, and the date is February 2nd, 1992. And I’m listening to “I Got You Babe”. Though it may come off as dramatic and pessimistic, upon inspecting what I mean by the phrase, is that everyday I have developed the same parameters and routine. I wake up in my own bed, shower, meditate, pour myself a cup of coffee, and prepare for the day to come. I also check in with myself and my emotions and count my blessings that I have a roof over my head, am employed, and most importantly, no one that I know has directly been impacted by Covid-19. I will say, that’s new for me. I can confirm that it does help to kick off the day with a set routine and practicing gratitude along with mindfulness.

I’ve also taken inventory of my emotions as each day has passed these past few weeks. I started noticing my emotional state on Thursday, March 12th, 2020, when I had my first panicked reaction to the Coronavirus outbreak. I even stated to my fiance that “The world is going to end!” I’d been watching the news since I got off work and the media painted a very bleak picture for our welfare and economy. My first response was to check in on my own situation. Have I gone to the grocery store? Will I have a job in the coming weeks? Will my 401k survive?!?

I now realize that was a selfish response, but important to take inventory of it. My initial reaction to panic was to check on myself and my immediate loved ones. If I’m being honest, this emotion lasted a few days. “If I take care of myself, everything will be okay” was my thought. Though a time like this calls for us to take selfish action to stop the spread, once I realized I was going to be okay, that I have a roof over my head, food on the table, and can pay my mortgage, I started to view the societal impact. How will my neighbors stay safe? My thoughts began to soften to empathy and I’ve seen some very tangible benefits…

First, I have been donating money to Covid causes every week. As I’m seeing the world crumble, it’s been helpful to be able to seek out charities, like this one, that are doing important work. The dollar amount each week isn’t groundbreaking, but it is adding up! Since my work hasn’t been affected during this time, I feel an obligation to help others out and just by clicking that “donate” button, I’m able to accomplish short term wins.

Second, I’m purposefully getting outside more than I used to and smiling at my neighbors. Every day around 6 o’clock, my fiance and I are going for a 2-4 mile walk. We are leaving our phones at home and trying to be present in our conversation and in the nature around us. I’ve found myself smiling and saying hey to my neighbors. Funny enough, most of them are so anxious or lost in their thoughts, they aren’t returning the favor! If only they knew the amount of sanity this simple walk brings to our day-to-day lives during this time.

Third, I am face-timing my loved ones more. Seeing faces, smiles, and other facial expressions helps to calm the nerves and ensure that our loved ones are doing okay. Also, in the age of multi-tasking, it helps to focus on that friend or family members face when you’re conversing. Though most conversations aren’t bringing out anything new, I hope this personalized way of conversation continues after we are over this.

Finally, I am even more cognizant of how my customers are holding up. I am a believer in knowing my customer’s business, but now, more than ever, I’m asking how their business is holding up in the current climate. Have they had to close factories? Have they had furloughs or layoffs? It’s important to have this frame of reference so that we can then position ourselves to help.

The purpose of life is not to be happy. It is to be useful, to be honorable, to be compassionate, to have it make some difference that you have lived and lived well.

Ralph Waldo Emerson

What I’ve found in leading with empathy during this time is that though I’m helping others, my own nerves have been calmed. My own anxiety level has come down as a result of putting others ahead of myself. I’m building habits of leading with empathy during a time of uncertainty that I hope will carry over during a time of certainty. I hope that you will build in your own ways of leading with empathy during this time so that we can help others. And also, help ourselves in the process.